

Eventually, everyone figures out that it was the comical next door neighbor, Stanely Tucci, who seems to have ordered his outfits and mustache from the back pages of some kind of Pervert Catalog. Meanwhile, in heaven, Susie tries on new outfits?īut she is not ready to become pure energy or something, so she mostly hangs out in heaven’s gazebo, staring at her dad through a window.


There is a police investigation but that doesn’t lead anywhere. Anyway, now she is in heaven and her family is sad. Oh, wait, no, she also owns a pair of yellow pants, so we know four things about her. Well, she might not love that last part, but it is one of the three things we learn about her as a human being. She also loves getting murdered by a neighbor. The Lovely Bones takes place in the 1970s in suburban America and centers around Susie Salmon (Saoirse Ronan, of Hanna), a 14-year-old girl who loves going to the mall and taking photos with her camera. It is just a big pile of trash, and it should be unceremoniously dumped into a sink hole and covered with dirt. The movie, on the other hand, isn’t helping anyone, not even Alice Sebold. At the very least, The Lovely Bones: the Book was probably a way for Alice Sebold to work through the personal trauma of being raped (which she also writes about in her memoir Lucky) and we all just had the misfortune of sitting in on her Dream Journal (Nightmare Journal?) or whatever. But for as much as I hate The Lovely Bones as a book, it is as nothing as compared to how much I now hate The Lovely Bones as a movie. But why do you want that? Maybe you should go to your therapist, or if you don’t have a therapist, get a therapist and go to your therapist, and figure out why you want that. Oh, make no mistake, if you want to read a book in which a child is raped and murdered but you ALSO want it to be filled with trite macrame-philosophy about the meaning of life and have a happy ending, then there is nothing better than The Lovely Bones. It’s basically the Tuesdays with Morrie (another horrible horrible book) of child-rape/murder. It is probably one of my least favorite books of all time. I hate Alice Sebold’s novel, The Lovely Bones.
